Stop trying to control everything and watch your life get better

A tough truth for control freaks, but embracing it might be the most liberating shift of all.

Have you ever felt that quiet thrill when everything unfolds just as you imagined?

Maybe you hit that career milestone right on schedule. Or your family vacation went off without a hitch, every stop on the itinerary perfectly timed.

There’s a reason those moments feel so good: we’re wired to crave predictability.

Long before calendars and to-do lists, our ancestors relied on pattern recognition to survive, reading the skies for storms, tracking animal migrations, sensing danger before it struck. Anticipating what comes next wasn’t just convenient, back then it was essential.

That ancient instinct still lives in us. We find comfort in control and knowing what’s around the corner. So when life veers off course, it can feel deeply unsettling.

Your brain on uncertainty

Neuroscientific studies show that uncertainty activates the amygdala, the brain’s fear centre. This triggers anxiety and stress, which is what leads us to seek control through routines, planning, and reassurance.

Our brains are simply not fond of unexpected outcomes. And so we try to control everything to avoid pain, disappointment, or even danger. No surprises, no plot twists.

But – and you probably already knew this – that sense of control is an illusion. Life remains unpredictable, no matter how hard you try to steer the wheel in a certain direction.

For some, that unpredictability is an exciting reminder that life still holds surprises, that magic can bloom in the unknown. For others, it’s unsettling. The inability to shape every outcome can feel like chaos creeping in.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with craving structure or working towards specific goals. But trying to micromanage every twist and turn? That’s where things become psychologically draining.

The effect of ‘too much control’

A predictable, organised life sounds rather ideal, doesn’t it? That is until excessive control leads to emotional rigidity, increased anxiety, and difficulty adapting to change – according to Dr. Saul McLeod, psychologist and researcher of Simply Psychology.

If we dig even deeper, we can clearly see that this trait often acts as a coping mechanism for unresolved trauma or fear of vulnerability.

Trying to control every situation doesn’t just drain your energy, it makes you hyper-sensitive to every little shift. Suddenly, a minor detour feels like a disaster. A missed deadline, a change in plans, even someone else’s mood can throw you off balance.

But if there’s one thing life guarantees, it’s change. It’s not a glitch in the system, it is the system. And the more we resist it, the harder it hits.

By now you’re probably wondering “how does one begin to let go? Is there such a thing as trusting the universe?”

There are ways to let go, and yes, there is something called surrendering and enjoying life (what a concept!). I dug into the science and found some interesting tricks that psychologists swear by. From one recovering control freak to another, here’s the lowdown.

The art of letting go

• Mindfulness and self-compassion: These practices help reduce attachment to outcomes and increase present-moment awareness. They’re shown to lower stress and improve emotional regulation. A short, daily meditation is enough to start cultivating mindfulness and connecting with your present self. Make it easier by opting for guided meditations (my favourite apps: Headspace and Insight Timer)

• Cognitive reframing: Reinterpreting situations to reduce perceived threat can help loosen the grip of control. Ask yourself: what is the actual worst thing that can happen if things don’t go according to plan? Chances are you will still reach that career goal at some point, and your family trip will be just as fun without a rigid schedule.

• Start small: Dr. McLeod recommends practicing surrender in low-stakes situations first, like letting someone else choose the restaurant or not checking your phone during a meeting. These are tiny but mighty reminders that it’s okay to let go of control.

• Focus on internal control: Instead of attempting to control people or situations, practice managing your own reactions. Next time life throws you a curveball, accept it as part of the living experience and focus on controlling the way you see the change at hand. Psychotherapists say this builds autonomy and reduces anxiety.

Last but not least, remember: letting go isn’t about giving up, it’s about making space for spontaneity, growth, and unscripted joy.

When we loosen our grip, we open ourselves to the messy, the magical, and everything in between.

It’s not easy. But it’s worth it…